It has been way too long since I posted on here. I see my last post was just before we moved into our home. We are now all settled and organized and falling into a routine.
However, that routine includes me routinely overeating and feeling terrible. I am afraid to weigh myself because I don't want to own the number. I hate that I feel this way and I hate that I feel paralyzed about it. I know that it takes only one step to get going down the right path and so this is it. Posting here is it! I also went and lurked on the WW 200+ board. I will read there and get caught up and hopefully move on from there.
I am thinking of dragging out my WW materials. I tried yet another program and again failed miserably.
I have finished reading Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth and I can say that I have done nothing. The only thing it has done is make me think about what I am eating. I am petrified at the idea of letting go of dieting because I do not trust myself to really take care of myself. I am the one who takes care of everyone else and lets myself go.
Just before I came here to post, I was down on the floor fixing something and I struggled to get upright. I could feel how fat I was then and it made me feel terrible. I've said it before but I really believe that the shame associated with weight gain is the most devastating aspect of the gain. That feeling of failure and letting myself and everyone else down. Of failing yet one more time.
I am crying now and I know I am having a huge pity party. But this too shall pass and I will try again. As per usual. I am going to drag down my WW books and start reading again. I'm hoping for something to click in my brain and help me go. Maybe posting this is it!
2 comments:
Seph,
I was so glad to see your posting here and on the ww board as I have been thinking about you. You are right about the devastating aspects of gaining the weight back. I lost 100 lbs in 2004 only to gain it all back (and more) and it took me 3 years to go back through those ww doors. It was tough to go back but boy, I am so glad I did. It took me a while to get over the shame but I now look at it as it was part of my process to get where I am today.
Hugs to you.
((Hugs)) Seph....I know exactly how you feel. It's a lifelong struggle, and maybe the hardest part is letting go of the shame and just accepting we're human and worthy of self-love at every stage of our journey.
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