Well I have had such a good week and then I started losing it a bit yesterday - I was just so emotional and when that happens, eating comes naturally. I kept a grip on things but only today did I realize what was going on. Today is Zachary Thomas' birthday - he is my first son who was born still on May 15, 2001. It is still so sad to think of him.
Today I took my children to a birthday party and although I had remembered about his birthday and in fact was reacting to it the last couple of days, it wasn't until at the birthday that it came to me. In the play area where the party was, there was a chalkboard and there written in a child's printing was the name Zachary. It shocked me to see it and a couple of minutes later, a child erased it. It was like a little reminder of him which I really appreciated. I went to his grave to check it and I need to go clean it up. I will have to do that this week.
Anyhow, on his gravestone, I had engraved "Love Never Ends." There are people who think I shouldn't miss him since I didn't know him but I loved him before he was born and love never ends.
Knowing why I am eating emotionally already breaks the cycle. This week will continue to go well as I remember him and love him still. :)
6 comments:
I am so sorry you lost your son Zachary. What a terrible thing to have happened.
Hugs to you.
(((Big hugs Seph)))
I'm sorry you lost your son.
Of course you miss him! My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage 24 years ago, and there is not a year that has gone by since then that I have not "missed" that baby on what should have been his/her due date. That's despite the fact that I was still in my first trimester, and despite the fact that I have had four healthy children since that time.
I am glad you had the chance to remember Zachary in a special way today and that you're ready to move into a new week focusing on love that never ends.
Wow. What a revelation. It's amazing how internally we know and remember without externally knowing and remembering. Good work on the discovery.
I can't imagine losing one of my babies at any point - in the womb or out. It must be one of the most painful things in life. Hopefully as time goes by, the pain isn't as intense and remembering him won't be the cause of a binge - just hope and gladness at the prospect of meeting him again.
Blessings to you!
kb
((Hugs))
Hugs Seph. I love the thought that love never ends. How true.
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